Thursday, December 16, 2010

2nd Tour of Kuwait and Iraq



I was fortunate to be asked to go on a second tour of Kuwait and Iraq to entertain our troops. Unlike the cool weather January tour, this one took place in the hottest time of year: August! It was 120-130 degrees the entire time I was there with co-headliners Lee Marvin Adams and Caroline Picard. This tour was just as amazing as the first one, and I have even more respect, if possible, for our military men and women now, seeing what they have to go through during the summer months!

We performed at Camp Patriot, Camp Victory, Camp Loyalty, Camp Ramadi, Al Asad, Camp Taji, JSS Muthana, Camp Hammer, JSS Duora, and JVS Palace for the Special Forces Unit.


We usually slept in the CHUs (Containerized Housing Units), but we also got to spend 4 nights in one of Sadaam Hussein's 88 palaces. Niiiiice.

I just want everyone to know that while we were over there, it was the same week that all of the U.S. national news stations were headlining their evening newscasts with "Final Combat Troops Leave Iraq!!". That was so hard for the service men and women in Iraq to take -- because 50,000 troops ARE STILL THERE serving our country!! It was a matter of semantics. The troops are no longer called "combat" troops, but they ARE still there, and don't want to be forgotten. I know I will never forget them and the sacrifice they are making for us all.

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

SLEEPING AROUND (Moments from a Road Comic's Life)

I've now been a road comic for more than five years. As I look back on my career so far, the time spent on stage has been amazing! But on the nights when there's no show while on the road, finding a place to sleep has been just as....memorable.

As mentioned in an earlier post, bookers and clubs usually only provide lodging on the nights you have a show. Unless you can find gigs for the other nights, comics are left to their own devices to find a place to stay.

Even the least expensive dive motel is going to empty $40 a night out of your earnings. Multiply that by five, and you could spend $200 for lodging on the non-show nights each week. Add to that the cost of car rental, gas, food, and airfare -- well, it doesn't take a math whiz to figure out that a feature act who makes $100 per show is going to have a tough time covering expenses. Forget about actually MAKING any money -- I feel blessed if I manage to break even!

So I sleep in my car. Here's the routine: Fly to the Midwest (or East Coast, or South, or wherever I have a few weeks of shows lined up), pick up my rental car, and drive to Walmart to buy a $5 blanket and a $3 pillow for those nights when I need to sleep reclining in the driver's seat of the car.

"No, Sharon!! That's dangerous!!" I can hear you screaming in horror. Well, here are some other alternatives I've tried:

* Posted an ad on Craigslist in the town where I was going to be, looking for a couch to sleep on. When the guy didn't show up at the appointed time...or ever...I was stuck with nothing.

* Met a sweet, well dressed elderly woman in a park who kindly invited me to sleep on her couch. Turns out she's a hoarder...with a dog that isn't potty trained (the stench!)...and a colony of mice that scuttled around all night.

* Was smuggled onto an army base, so I could stay in the empty women's barracks for three nights. This was perfect, except for feeling guilty about evading national security and risking being thrown in jail if discovered.

* A couple playing pool at the table next to mine offered to get me a hotel room and give me $100...if they could spend the night with me. Ew. No.

* Sometimes comics in other parts of the country will let you sleep on their couches. Which would be great, if they weren't mostly bachelors...who apparently have a lower gag threshold than I do when it comes to cleanliness. I'm actually not all that picky, but a bathtub ring is one thing; a totally gray bathtub that's supposed to be white is another. And using a back issue of Penthouse for toilet paper just seems.....weird.

The only real drawback to occasionally sleeping in my car, other than the obvious lack of safety and a shower, is the embarrassment of being awakened at 3am by a cop banging his flashlight on my window, asking me what the heck I think I'm doing.

A small sacrifice when following your dream.

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to Dementia

Moments from a Road Comic’s Life

In a dual attempt to fend off Alzheimer’s and fulfill a lifelong dream, Sharon Lacey quit her 23 year career as a teacher and hit the road doing standup comedy. What follows are moments from her new and crazy life.

In the nearly five years that I’ve been doing standup comedy, I’ve had some of the most amazing, challenging, adventuresome, memorable, exciting, scary, unpredictable, unexpected, hilarious moments of my life.

Take, for instance, some of the crazier venues where I’ve performed. I’m not talking about the many fine comedy clubs, casinos, military gigs, and colleges that have booked me. I mean places where I never would have guessed I’d be performing if you had asked me this five years ago.

BIKER BAR: I was a little scared at first…until I discovered that rough looking guys and gals in tattoos and leather need to laugh as much as anyone else.

SWINGERS CLUB: I have to admit, I’d been curious about what it would look like inside a place where people enjoy a different “lifestyle” and like to “play”. I was expecting to see amazingly gorgeous women and superbly handsome men, but it turned out most of the people looked pretty much like me…except I wear a lot more clothes!

36,000 FEET HIGH: I was invited to do 10 minutes of my act while flying on Southwest Airlines from California to Oregon. The great thing about this was that no one could walk out if they didn’t like my jokes!

HEAD SHOP: Tommy Chong was going to be at the grand opening of a store in Vancouver that sells things that people like to use at 4:20 in the afternoon. I was asked to perform for the huge crowd while they waited for Tommy to make his appearance. It wasn’t much fun for me…nobody could focus, and they kept wandering off to Taco Bell.

STRIP CLUB: Puh-leeeeze. Why on earth would anyone in their right mind hire a middle aged, plain looking female comedian to tell jokes in a “gentlemen’s club” while the strippers go on break??? I was fully clothed, but felt naked standing next to that brass pole that was too small for me to hide behind. The men weren’t any more thrilled that I was there than I was, but I will say that the strippers were the most supportive audience I’ve ever had!

APPLEBEE’S: Of all the strange gigs I’ve done, last night’s was, I must say, the worst! Wholesome, un-crazy Applebee’s. The regional manager wanted to see if having a comedy night in their bar area would be a good thing. It wasn’t.

For 23 years I spent every weekday in a nice, safe, predictable classroom. I’ve had enough of predictable. Good or bad, I can’t wait for the next adventure!